In response to this situation, we strongly encourage Reform rabbis who live in such states to advise same-sex couples who seek a wedding to contract a civil marriage, prior to the chupah, in a jurisdiction that recognizes the legality of same-sex marriage. This will remove any objection that the rabbi is officiating at a wedding for a couple that lacks a valid civil marriage license. It will also insure that the couple will be entitled to federal benefits even should they choose to live in a state that does not recognize same-sex marriage.
We also encourage Reform rabbis who officiate at same-sex marriages in states that do not provide for civil same-sex marriage to advise same-sex couples to seek legal advice and services in order to set in place legal mechanisms including estate planning, durable power of attorney, health care proxy, wills, and anything else required to protect the couple, as well as children the couple has or plans to have.
We now affirm that, in light of the underlying purpose and values of Jewish marriage, as well as of our historic Reform Jewish understanding of the concept of kiddushin, Reform rabbis may consider these same-sex marriages to be kiddushin, utilizing in the marriage ceremony the Jewish forms and rites that are most appropriate to the Jewish partners involved.
Couples who marry in jurisdictions that grant legal recognition to same-sex marriages are entitled to, and protected by, both federal and state laws. In jurisdictions that do not grant such recognition, rabbis should advise couples who request their officiation to first seek civil marriage in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage.
Their commitment to support and nurture one another physically, financially, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Their commitment, should their union be blessed with children, to raise those children together as Jews. Note the statement at ibid. It hardly needs to be stated — although for purposes of clarity we shall state it anyway — that a policy position adopted by the Central Conference of American Rabbis in convention assembled is the official policy of the Conference and, therefore, of all institutional elements of the Conference.
This includes all constituent committees of the Conference, which exist and operate under the institutional authority of the CCAR. CCAR Responsum no. Such an act was considered licentious behavior B. Kiddushin 12b and Rashi ad loc. Kiddushin creates the marital bond, which can be severed only through divorce or the death of either spouse.
It has long been customary to combine these two rituals into one ceremony. See B. See the preceding note. But they are central to our conception of what the rabbi, by virtue of his or her officiation at the act of kiddushin, ought to be affirming.
The stage of kiddushin is an interim stage; the woman is forbidden to other men, and is designated for the man who betrothed her, but, at the same time, it is still forbidden for them to live together as a couple.
Judah ha-Nasi c. In kiddushin through money, the man gives the woman, in the presence of two witnesses, money or some other object, such as a ring. The money or other item has to be valued at no less than a perutah. The Sages forbade kiddushin through sexual relations because it seems tainted with immodesty.
They also avoided the use of a shetar because of the complex procedure for writing the document and handing it to the woman, akin to the procedure for preparation and delivery a of get bill of divorce. Therefore, it has become customary to carry out kiddushin only through money or a ring. It is only in exceptional circumstances that the other possibilities for kiddushin are considered.
We have already noted that the legal consequence of the act of kiddushin is that the woman becomes forbidden to all other men, and is designated for the man who betrothed her.
The woman cannot be freed from this man, except through divorce receiving a get or through his death. The prohibition against the woman having sexual relations with another man is a strict prohibition derived from the Torah she-bi-khetav : Lit. The same h erem also forbade a man to divorce his wife against her will. However, relations between the husband and another woman are not considered adulterous in the halakhic sense unless she is married and his children by a woman other than his wife are not considered bastards.
The h erem was accepted as binding among Ashkenazi communities but not among the Sephardi and most of the Oriental communities. And if he divorces her, she does not receive her Marriage document in Aramaic dictating husband's personal and financial obligations to his wife.
Furthermore, if the couple decide to separate, she requires a get from him. The act of kiddushin is carried out by the man, and the function of a rabbi, a mesader kiddushin , is not essential for the kiddushin itself. Although it is impossible to force a woman to marry a man, she is a passive participant at the time of kiddushin , and, unless she expresses her opposition to the kiddushin , it is valid.
Various problems arise in consequence of the ease with which kiddushin can be carried out, since it is sufficient for a man to pronounce the traditional formula mentioned above to a woman, and to then give her an object worth a perutah for the purposes of kiddushin , in the presence of two witnesses, for the kiddushin to be valid, and for the woman to require a get should she wish to be freed from this relationship.
The Sages saw Lit. He should not put her in excessive awe of him, his speech toward her should be calm, and he should not be gloomy or bad-tempered. These assets are divided into two categories, with the wife determining into which category each asset that she brings into the marriage will fall.
Immovable property is those assets that are listed in the ketubbah as her dowry Dowry nedunyah. The husband is required to return these assets to the wife at the end of the marriage; should the woman be divorced or should the husband predecease the wife, these assets return to her and she is to be compensated for any damage caused to them.
Another class of assets is those assets not listed in the ketubbah , and these are called usufruct. These assets belong only to the wife, but the income they generate belongs to the husband. In general, any monetary obligation may be subject to agreement between the husband and wife.
Rather, he has to cede them to her through a formal act of acquisition. A far-reaching consequence of this action is that the woman cannot free herself from this bond without the acquiescence of her husband. The act of divorce is not dependent on any determination by the rabbinical court, just as the act of kiddushin does not depend on the rabbi officiating at the marriage ceremony, but only on the husband.
Ordinarily, all three of these conditions are satisfied, although only one is necessary to effect a binding marriage. Acquisition by money is normally satisfied by the wedding ring. It is important to note that although money is one way of "acquiring" a wife, the woman is not being bought and sold like a piece of property or a slave. This is obvious from the fact that the amount of money involved is nominal according to the Mishnah , a perutah , a copper coin of the lowest denomination, was sufficient.
In addition, if the woman were being purchased like a piece of property, it would be possible for the husband to resell her, and clearly it is not. Rather, the wife's acceptance of the money is a symbolic way of demonstrating her acceptance of the husband, just like acceptance of the contract or the sexual intercourse.
To satisfy the requirements of acquisition by money, the ring must belong to the groom. It cannot be borrowed, although it can be a gift from a relative. It must be given to the wife irrevocably. In addition, the ring's value must be known to the wife, so that there can be no claim that the husband deceived her into marrying by misleading her as to its value. In all cases, the Talmud specifies that a woman can be acquired only with her consent, and not without it Kiddushin 2a-b.
As part of the wedding ceremony, the husband gives the wife a ketubah. The word " Ketubah " comes from the root Kaf-Tav-Bet , meaning "writing. The ketubah spells out the husband's obligations to the wife during marriage, conditions of inheritance upon his death, and obligations regarding the support of children of the marriage.
It also provides for the wife's support in the event of divorce. There are standard conditions; however, additional conditions can be included by mutual agreement.
Marriage agreements of this sort were commonplace in the ancient Semitic world. The ketubah has much in common with prenuptial agreements, which are gaining popularity in America. In America, such agreements were historically disfavored, because it was believed that planning for divorce would encourage divorce, and that people who considered the possibility of divorce shouldn't be marrying. Although one rabbi in the Talmud expresses a similar opinion, the majority maintained that a ketubah discouraged divorce, by serving as a constant reminder of the husband's substantial financial obligations if he divorced his wife.
The ketubah is often a beautiful work of calligraphy, framed and displayed in the home. The process of marriage occurs in two distinct stages: kiddushin commonly translated as betrothal and nisuin full-fledged marriage. Kiddushin occurs when the woman accepts the money, contract or sexual relations offered by the prospective husband. The word " kiddushin " comes from the root Qof-Dalet-Shin , meaning "sanctified.
However, the root word also connotes something that is set aside for a specific sacred purpose, and the ritual of kiddushin sets aside the woman to be the wife of a particular man and no other.
Kiddushin is far more binding than an engagement as we understand the term in modern America; in fact, Maimonides speaks of a period of engagement before the kiddushin. Once kiddushin is complete, the woman is legally the wife of the man. The relationship created by kiddushin can only be dissolved by death or divorce. However, the spouses do not live together at that time, and the mutual obligations created by the marital relationship do not take effect until the nisuin is complete.
The nisuin from a word meaning "elevation" completes the process of marriage. The husband brings the wife into his home and they begin their married life together. In the past, the kiddushin and nisuin would routinely occur as much as a year apart. During that time, the husband would prepare a home for the new family.
There was always a risk that during this long period of separation, the woman would discover that she wanted to marry another man, or the man would disappear, leaving the woman in the awkward state of being married but without a husband.
Today, the two ceremonies are normally performed together. Because marriage under Jewish law is essentially a private contractual agreement between a man and a woman, it does not require the presence of a rabbi or any other religious official.
It is common, however, for rabbis to officiate, partly in imitation of the Christian practice and partly because the presence of a religious or civil official is required under American civil law.
As you can see, it is very easy to make a marriage, so the rabbis instituted severe punishments usually flogging and compelled divorce where marriage was undertaken without proper planning and solemnity. It is customary for the bride and groom not to see each other for a week preceding the wedding.
On the Shabbat of that week, it is customary among Ashkenazic Jews for the groom to have an aliyah the honor of reciting a blessing over the Torah reading. This aliyah is known as an aufruf. There are exuberant celebrations in the synagogue at this time. Before the ceremony, the bride is veiled, a process called badeken, by the groom, or chatan. While the bride and groom are alone together usually eating, after having fasted all day the guests sit down to eat a festive meal.
The meal is preceded by ritual washing of the hands, and the blessing over bread. At some point, the band announces the arrival "for the very first time, Mr. The dancing, in accordance with Jewish law requires a separation between men and women for reasons of modesty, and hence there is a mechitzah , or partition between the men and women. The main focus of the dancing is to entertain and enhance the joy of the newlyweds, hence large circles are formed around the "king and queen," and different guests often perform in front of the seated couple.
It is not unusual to see jugglers, fire eaters, and acrobats at a wedding most of whom are guests, not professionals! The meal ends with the Birchas Hamazon , Grace After Meals, and again the seven blessings are recited over wine, shared afterwards by the bride and groom. Articles may be distributed to another person intact without prior permission. We also encourage you to include this material in other publications, such as synagogue or school newsletters.
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